somethingatromaststation.

I had this strange transportative moment while I was walking through the subway to the bus from my train yesterday.

I fell backwards into the past...three years in the past.
But unlike the other times there was nothing to cushion my fall.
It rattled my teeth, to be stuck inside that old headspace, but at the same time, it made me feel so warm...to understand those things I once saw so clearly, clicking together like connector pens.

It was really cold there. I was uncertain, unsure of myself. Convinced of nothing, berating myself for the dark fog that contorted my perceptions, cursing their light feet and their light hearts, aware only of the interminable countdown of each minute, each hour and each crawling day. How did I get to here and why did I get to here?

I could live forever in that little air pocket of time. Braced against the shivering uncertainties like an unborn child. Taking what I can get from the world outside, using it in whatever way I can to survive. Sensing, and testing the air around me...divining people's feelings by the way the air moves around the little pocket. Invisible to the eye, but able to be sensed by people receptive to that kind of thing.